I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize