Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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