im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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