With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize