why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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