you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Found your dick twin last night
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
