I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
