I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
