OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
