i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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