Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
