Swine flu. Run for my life!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize