Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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