I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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