ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
