Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
