Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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