Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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