I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
