yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
