Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Your penis caused this!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
