I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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