She went from zero to smokin in five shots
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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