You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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