im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
