i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize