I just saw a hot homeless man
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
