Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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