pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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