I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
