i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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