you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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