Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
