Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
