I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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