I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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