I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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