is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
