at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
