if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
