Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
