WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
