So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
