1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
