You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
