so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
