alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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