i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
