and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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