I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
