I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
