what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
