Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
