What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
