her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
