Your face is a jimmy john
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
