Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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