Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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