My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
