An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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