come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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