Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
