i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
