so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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