Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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