Pants 0. Shit 1.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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