JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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