I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
