apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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