I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
