woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
