but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
