I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
