I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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