That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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