am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
