she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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