Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
