We got so high we made milksteak
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
