I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
