Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I am one with the molecules
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