I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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