My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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