Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
