last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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