Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
