we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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