Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
