Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
