There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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