Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
