before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
